What is the difference between an authentic meltdown (or shutdown) and a manipulative meltdown (or shutdown) in an autistic adult? (It is important to note we are discussing adults and not children at this juncture.)Īuthentic meltdown in ASD adults have some or all of these characteristics – spontaneous occurrence, sometimes a slow work-up (called “rumbling,” plus a lack of insight into recognizing), reactive to sensory or social trigger, significant loss of body or behavioral control, may include stimming or bolting behaviors, happens with or without an audience, lack of rational thought, may have high occurrence of language that is uniquely characteristic of ASD (echolalia – repeating phrases, sounds, etc). (Again, there is no blame for exhausted caregivers in this scenario, it’s merely an explanation of what shapes the trajectory of social-emotional learning for ASD over time.) Unfortunately, this lends to an ASD individual “learning” that if they persist in relentless meltdown mode – eventually the person withholding what they want will given in to their demands. It is understandable that many situations may arise in which a parent or caregiver cannot “wait out” a meltdown. What is originally a toddler having age-appropriate tantrums becomes a furious teenager who is screaming, throwing things, threatening bodily harm to self and others when a boundary is set. (Usually, punitive measures drastically increase the ASD child’s inconsolability and can then add trauma.) The volume, intensity, duration and frequency of ASD meltdowns may continuously increase as the child’s world gets bigger, more confusing and incontrollable. The autistic toddler or child is often so immersed in distress that comfort is continuously resisted, and the only non-punitive measure a caregiver can take is to hold space until the child has fully released their meltdown. Distracting or diffusing an ASD child can be very challenging and sometimes impossible. Both can be antecedents to meltdowns, along with sensory overload, social confusion, emotional overwhelm, etc. Hearing the word “no” is often very aversive to a child with autism, and many also struggle with pathological demand avoidance. Moms of autistic children struggle with feelings of powerlessness as they come to realize that the neurodiverse child is uniquely single-minded when distraught. The longevity of ASD meltdowns often cannot be rivaled, whether in children or adults. How does an autistic individual learn that meltdowns are a means in which to meet their needs or preferences? (Neither fact lessens the impact nor damage of using maladaptive behaviors to gain control of results.) Generally speaking, manipulative meltdowns (and shutdowns) are borne out of desperation for the ASD partner to gain what they desire, or to act out against what they perceive as a wrongdoing ‘against’ them. While perhaps the majority of autistic meltdowns are sincerely the result of sensory and social-emotional overwhelm, it’s an unfortunate reality that sometimes ASD individuals use their frequent emotional dysregulation as a smokescreen in which to control or manipulate those around them. Over the course of life, some ASD individuals might come to realize that emotional dysregulation can be used as a means in which to manipulate a desired outcome.
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